It Doesn't Matter
by Siaram
Summary: Lost and broken, Rory looks out to find her light. Sequel of The Blinding Light. [Trory]
1. I Am Happy That I Have You Even Though

**_Disclaimers: _**I don't have any rights on the characters of this story even if the plot is mine.

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**Author's Note: **I've taking a liking to this story, dreaming about it and craving to write more. I hope that any who reads it like it, if not, don't be scared to tell me why. This story is the sequel of **The Blinding Light **which I would suggest to read before this one. Season five never happened in this story, everything else happened. Special thanks to **Arlene** for helping me improve my vocabulary, **Cinn** for giving me motivation to continue this when I had lost inspiration and lastly but most importantly to **Raven** for helping me make stories great instead of average.

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**It Doesn't Matter  
Chapter 1: **I Am Happy That I Have You Even Though You're Not Here Now

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The sunrays blinded Rory as she quietly closed the door of the highway motel room in order to not wake her _friend_ from his peaceful sleep. She took her keys out, unlocked her car and sat on the driver's seat. She rolled down every window by pressing the adequate buttons on the door. She flipped the glove compartment open and retrieved a pack of cigarettes. After she lit one, she inhaled deeply then exhaled the grey smoke from her lungs. Rory closed her eyes for an instant to savor the intoxicating feel of nicotine that spread inside her body. Ever since her fist cigarette drag almost a year ago she still felt her lungs burn but she didn't care anymore. She needed it to relax her after their little "encounters."

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_Rory sat on the bed as Dean put his clothes back on. Her eyes cold and hard as she looked at him, he glanced at his watch, "I really have to go Rory, Lindsay is expecting me for dinner and I…."_

She dismissed his explanation with a bored attitude, "Yeah, I know, same song all over again. I'm still waiting for you to tell me that I'm the one you love and that you'll leave her soon. That things aren't working anymore and that you'll leave her soon."

In frustration, Dean pounded his fist against the wall yelling, "What am I supposed to do Rory!" Softening his voice a little, as he sat beside her, "I promise we're working on the details, just be a little more patient."

She shifted her position, covered her naked chest with the sheets, reached for his ring on the nightstand and saw a forgotten pack of cigarettes. Instead of grabbing his wedding band, she took a cigarette, and lit it. She inhaled the smoke, almost choking at the burning sensation in her lungs. She exhaled her grey cloud of smoke in his direction, and then spit out, "I was patient, still am." Taking another drag that made her dizzy, she continued her tirade, "But don't you think that a year is long enough to make the divorce arrangement? Don't you think I've been patient enough?"

Dean tried to get a hold of her cigarette, but she moved it away from him, "Rory, this is not you. You don't smoke remember?"

With a devilish smile, she whispered, "I do now."

He tried to get a hold of the cigarette again begging, "Come on Rory, this is not you."

She laughed, a hysterical chortle that chilled him to the bones, "It wasn't like me to become the other woman either, was it?" Completely ignoring him, she put out the cigarette in the ashtray, stood up uncaring that she was completely naked and started to dress slowly. Once dressed, she took the pack of cigarettes and exited the room without another word, blocking out his begging for her to come back and talk about their situation.

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After a couple of drags, her hands stopped shaking, she inserted the key into the ignition and sped away, relieved that her companion had still been asleep and therefore able to avoid one of their conversations that held so many promises for the future yet none that were ever achieved.

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Rory parked her car in the driveway in front of her house, climbed out and slammed the door shut. As she stepped onto the porch, the front door opened. Rory looked boringly at Lorelai who stood inside the frame; a bright welcome smile plastered on her face and saw her mother's smile fade. Whatever Lorelai was about to say didn't cross her lips as Rory passed by her without exchanging a word.

Sadness filled Lorelai's eyes as she watched her once-upon-a-time perfect daughter who could do no wrong, enter her room and slam the door forcefully. Lorelai sat on the couch, feeling lonely and vulnerable. Once again, her nostrils didn't miss her daughter's smoky smell, her eyes registered Rory's messy hair and the vague look in her eyes. Eyes which used to be so vivid and bright now looked dull and bored.

Lorelai tried to remember when the rift between them had begun to widen. She heard Rory come out of her room and enter the bathroom. She looked at the clock, counted that they still had three hours before Luke would come and pick them up for the fourth of July celebration at the Gilmore mansion. She closed her eyes and let the soft melody of the shower rock her to sleep.

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_"I hate you for ruining this for me!" Rory stormed out of the house while Lorelai wiped tears of deception as she remembered her guests at the Dragonfly Inn test run week end._

She opened the door to see Rory on the step curled in a ball, crying her heart out. Slowly, she approached her daughter and curled behind her. Lorelai held in her arms the trembling body of her now grown-up daughter, weeping with her for what seemed like hours even if their tears were for different reasons.

As the summer went by, Rory had left for a small trip around Europe with Emily. On the night of her return, Lorelai had organized a mother-daughter movie night. Ever since that night when they cried their hearts out a month and a half ago, they had come to a silent agreement to not talk about it. At first they were nervous around each other, but the strong bond between them made everything seem normal. Half way through the movie, Rory paused the movie and turned to face her mother and best friend. She whispered, "I wanted to tell you that I've given this a lot of thought, and you were right."

Lorelai's mind screamed 'Don't go there Rory. Things are great for us now, please, push the play button' but instead she asked innocently, "What was I right about honey?"

Rory bit her lower lip, disconcerted to realize that this was harder to do than she had imagined. Her stomach jumped a little at the thought of the damage that could be done. She took a deep breath, with the decision that honesty was the best way to do this, "It was wrong to sleep with Dean. You were right. He played me, I saw him today walking with Lindsay, they were laughing and he completely ignored me as if I was a stranger."

Lorelai put one arm around Rory's shoulders and squeezed her daughter closer to her searching for words of comfort but somehow the words kept escaping.

As her mother remained quiet, Rory snuggled closer in Lorelai's embrace, pressing the 'play button'.

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In the shower, Rory washed her hair and used her vanilla scented shampoo. As the scent hit her nostrils, sickness invaded her.

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_A week before her return for her second year at Yale, Rory sat at Luke's. She was engrossed in her book and never saw her mother come down the stairs, shoes in hand to be silent, followed closely by a flustered Luke. She didn't see them walk in the kitchen to exchange one last passionate kiss before Lorelai left by the back door. So distracted was Rory by her book, she never saw her mom pass in front of the window to re-enter by the door._

Lorelai sat in front of Rory and had to snatch the book away from Rory's sight to get some attention. Luke walked to the table, an empty mug in one hand and a pot of coffee in the other one. He filled Lorelai's cup and they exchanged a smile, before he walked away.

"What was that all about? Talk about weirdness." Rory exclaimed.

A blush over Lorelai's cheek, she smiled warmly at her daughter, "Well, you see, I've been meaning to tell you but…" She glanced over at Luke, who was arguing with Caesar for no reason, and blurted out, softly, "We've been dating for almost two months and have been trying to avoid the gossip chain for as long as possible."

Rory looked hurt, "But you could have told ME!"

Uncomfortable, Lorelai mumbled, "Well, it would have been hard to tell you at the time since I was yelling at you." Seeing the watery eyes in front of her, she apologized, "I'm sorry, it's just that I didn't want to bring THAT night up, and I had no way around it."

Rory forced a smile as she stood up, "Well, it's okay. I'm gonna take a walk."

Not deceived by Rory's response, Lorelai pleaded, "Rory, let's talk about it, please!"

Rory made a dismissive gesture with her hand as she left the diner. She willed her tears not to fall when a hand grabbed her arm forcing her into the alley behind the diner; her scream was cut off by lips that crushed hers. Her eyes widened, trying to focus on the face pressed against her own. Through wisps of tousled hair, she recognized him.

Dean

She tried to push him away in vain; he wrapped his arms around her, holding her protectively and whispered, "I missed you, why didn't you return my phone calls?"

Rory struggled to break free again, without any success, "Because it's wrong. You're with Lindsay, you are married. I became the mistress, a role I don't particularly want."

While he kissed her jaw line hungrily, "But it's you I love; you just have to be patient a bit. She said she wanted to try one last time. How could I tell her 'no'?"

Rory finally broke free, started to walk away, but he caught her hand. She looked into his eyes, his gentle eyes that were pleading her to let him explain. A little sniff from the nose before she said, "Shouldn't you give her a chance then?"

Dean passed his hand nervously through his hair, "I don't want to but it's the only way that she will let me go eventually, if I pretend to try. I don't love her, I never did. I love YOU."

Rory pondered on what he just said, "How long will you make me wait for you?"

Seeing her softening, Dean proposed, "We can still see each other, but we won't be able to go public until I'm out of the house. But you're the one I love." Dean lowered his face to capture her lips, in one passionate kiss.

Rory responded eagerly to the kiss, her heart willing to be swept away but her mind murmured 'You're smarter than that Rory, he's playing you both.'

She hesitated for a fraction of second and broke the contact. As she looked into his big expecting eyes, she chose her heart and kissed him hungrily.

As Dean directed her in a dark corner of the alley, pushing her against Luke's Diner back wall, he raised her skirt and ripped her underwear. The tension and adrenaline of the possibility of being caught increasing both of their want. Rory unbuttoned his jeans, freeing him from his boxers. Just before Dean made his first forceful trust inside of her, the scent of freshly baked vanilla cake, mixed with the decaying odor of the garbage hit her nostrils.

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Rory sent the bottle of vanilla shampoo flying against the door of the bathroom, completely disgusted by the scent. She reached for her mother's strawberry scented shampoo, pouring as much as her slender hand could hold. Hastily, she scrubbed her hair, trying to rid herself of the hateful vanilla and the images it brought as she sank slowly onto the cold porcelain, the scalding water and her hot tears washing over her.

Rory came out of the shower, feeling less dirty than she had before. She saw her mother asleep, curled on the couch trying to keep her warm. A glimpse of tenderness flickered in her eyes, walking to the rocking chair near the window; she grabbed a pink blanket to cover her mother tenderly with it. She kneeled down beside her mom and whispered, "I know you don't believe it anymore, but I'm sorry." She kisses her mother's forehead, "I love you mom. I always will." Lorelai smiled softly in her slumber, "but I'll need a break soon."

Rory stood and walked to her room. She closed the door quietly, and started to make a list of the things she would need for her project to work. Slowly, her eyelids got heavier, she fell asleep, her head on her list, and as for the previous two years, _he_ would be there, waiting for her in her dream.

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_Rory was running down the beach, trying to avoid being caught. She glanced behind her but nobody was there. Under the full moon, surrounded by the woods, she stood in the middle of the private beach, alone. A wolf bayed at the moon, sending shivers all over her body. Afraid to attract the wolf if she screamed, she asked softly, "Tristan? Where are you?" She turned around, seeking the shadows to find him. "Tristan, this isn't funny. Who knows what's out here. I could get attacked by a bear and he would eat me a…" She felt two arms slid around her waist from behind her and she screamed, "Arggg!"_

Tristan chuckled in her ear, "I highly doubt that a bear would eat you. They are usually vegetarian… unless they have already tasted blood."

She turned around to face him and slapped his chest hard. "You bumbling idiot! You scared me to death!" She tried to hit him again but he caught hold of her wrists, infuriating her even more. "Let go of me! You weren't supposed to play hide and seek. We were supposed to take a run to the lake."

A smirk on his lips, he hissed, "Is that so? And I thought you were running away from me again." He lowered his head to be level with hers, their lips so close, "Tell me, what are you scared of, that you'll become addicted to me? Or that if you finally give in I'll drop you like an old sock?"

Rory's eyes widened at his insinuations, she replied sharply, "I know you would… because for you a girl is just a plaything." Anger replaced by sadness, she stopped struggling, and let herself fall on the sand. "You couldn't be more of a jerk even if you wanted to."

He sat beside her, and then lay down on the sand, both of his hands resting under his head. "That's not true." He looked up at the sky and sighed deeply, "But you always stop me when things get interesting. It's getting frustrating."

Rory laid down and used his shoulder as a pillow, "I'm just asking for affection, a little romance."

He closed his eyes, "You know that I'm not good at that kind of thing, but I'm trying very hard."

She closed her eyes also and snuggled against him, "I know." Then she murmured, "I am happy, that I have you…"

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"…Even though you're not here now." Rory sighed reliving every moment of her dream before opening her eyes. As she fully awakened she picked up her hairbrush and wondered how he would be if she was to meet him again. In every dream, he had a different personality, sometimes a player, sometimes a romantic, other times he was dangerous and rebellious but in each dream, they were together.

A soft knock on the door was heard just before it opened to reveal Lorelai. She asked softly, "Are you ready, Luke will be here any minute now. I guess we both overslept." But as she saw the tears forming in her daughter's eyes, Lorelai walked over to the bed, hoping that this time her daughter would accept to be comforted. As she embraced her daughter in her arms, she felt Rory stiffen. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Rory let out a sob as she shook her head no. She felt her mother stroking her hair softly and let herself relax. "There's just too much I would love to erase, too much that I hid from you." She looked into her mother's eyes begging for understanding, "I just wouldn't know where to begin." Lorelai held her tighter, "I'm so very sorry mom."

"Shush, everything will be okay in time." Lorelai whispered while her heart broke for the thousandth time in the previous two years. Lorelai was only too happy that her daughter's shell seemed to finally crack, she whispered, "Take your time Rory, we'll have plenty of time to talk." She held her now shivering daughter tightly.

Luke entered the Gilmore girls' house to find Lorelai holding her sobbing daughter. As Luke's gaze met Lorelai, he understood that this moment shouldn't be interrupted. He nodded understandingly, happy that things might finally get back to normal; he decided to go prepare some coffee for when they would come out of Rory's room.

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To say that Emily Gilmore was steaming was an understatement. Her daughter and grand-daughter were late tonight of all nights. As she glanced at the grandfather clock like she had done for the last two hours, she cursed under her breath, "Leave it to Lorelai to humiliate me by being late again." Going back into the garden, where her reception was already in full motion, she muttered, "Not her usual twenty minutes, but two hours and a half." She forced a smile on her face before joining her guests again.

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In front of the mansion, Lorelai couldn't bring herself to ring the bell. How could she possibly explain her tardiness of three hours to her mom? Rory squeezed her hand and murmured, "I'm sorry I made us late."

Lorelai squeezed Rory's hand back and rang the doorbell, "don't worry about that. She's always expecting me to deceive her anyway."

Emily opened the door but instead of letting them entering, she came out and closed the door behind her. While she glared coldly at Lorelai, her feature froze in a maddening expression; Lorelai took a step back. As the elder Gilmore inhaled an immense amount of air in her lungs to try to keep her cool, Lorelai couldn't help but notice like so many times before how big her mother's nostrils inflated by that action. Forcing her face to remain solemn in full knowledge of the sermon about to hit her, Lorelai made a mental note to mock Emily's nostrils with Rory later on.

"Why do you always have to humiliate me Lorelai?" The voice was cool and controlled but increased an octave for the rest of the sentence, "Do you know how many people asked me where you were?" Regaining her calm, she asked, "What was the emergency this time? You broke a heel or did you have to clean your house to find matching shoes? Or was it because there was a marathon of one of your absurd teenage shows?"

Rory cut in, and forced her cerulean eyes to open wide in innocence, "It was my fault grandma and I'm sorry." Emily faced Rory, looking suspicious but she didn't have time to comment, "See, I really like this guy that I was dating and this afternoon he broke up with me." Lorelai raised an eyebrow questioningly, a happy smile slowly forming on her lips, hoping that she heard correctly and that Dean did end their relationship, "And I broke down in tears and mom was there to comfort me. I'm really sorry grandma."

Emily softened a little, an understanding smile graced her feature, and she wrapped an arm around Rory's shoulder, "Are you feeling better now dear?" Emily opened the door, guiding Rory inside leaving Luke and Lorelai to follow. Rory glanced at her mother over her shoulder, winked and looked back in front.

Lorelai shook her head sadly; apparently, her daughter had learned to lie very well.

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Rory was walking around the garden; she needed to get away from the crowd of annoying people that kept on hinting that she needed to meet their son as she was currently single. These people tried to convince her that a powerful union with the Gilmore family and theirs would be great. So many people, yet she felt so alone. She saw the bench where she and Tristan had sat together, trying to get reacquainted in one of her dreams. She closed her eyes trying to remember the way she had felt in her dream, the way she had felt excited and curious about knowing more about him but to top it all, mostly she had anticipated his kiss. The way they had run away together. She sighed deeply, sad that it was only a dream. She opened her eyes, stood up and started to walk back toward the crowd only to stop in her tracks as she saw him.

She sat back on the bench, observing him as he had yet to see her. He looked taller than he did before when he was in high school, and his frame was more built and defined than before too. His once disheveled haircut much shorter, almost shaved. His eyes looked boringly at his interlocutor, an older version of Tristan. Tristan replied something that Rory couldn't hear in the distance but she could see the way his eyes had turned cold. He left the elder hastily, ignoring the rest of the discussion. The other man stormed in the different direction as Tristan was walking straight toward her.

She saw him make a stop at the table containing all of the liquor for the guests to drink. Completely ignoring the bartender hired to serve the drinks, he took a translucent bottle and continued in her direction. As he got closer to her, she saw him open the bottle and take a large swig of the beverage.

Tristan felt his frustration dissolve as the alcohol begun to disperse in his blood. His throat burned from the tequila he just had, his eyes watered blurring the vision in front of him. Certain that his eyes were playing some trick on him; he blinked to get rid of the watery sensation in his eyes. The vision in front of him stayed the same, but it couldn't be. Yes it could, after all he was at the Gilmore's. Watching, he saw that she was thinner than before, probably too thin. Her eyes which used to be vivid were now red and seemed to be too large in her skinny face, dark bags surrounding them. But somehow she was still beautiful, but a lot more intriguing as to how she could have changed so much since the night he had left. Seeing a faint blush over her too pale skin, he smirked and sat beside her.

The blush on her cheeks increased at the closeness of the subject of her fantasies. Both of them unknowing what to say, Tristan gulped another shot of Tequila then offered the bottle to Rory. She looked at the bottle suspiciously before taking it and drinking a big amount. She choked at the burning sensation in her body. She gave the bottle back, her eyes watery, wiped her mouth and eyes.

Tristan chuckled at her reaction, "You haven't changed that much after all."

She turned to face Tristan, a playful smile on her lips, "What do you mean by that?"

Slightly drunk from the drinks he previously had, he raised his hand to caress her cheek softly, "You lost too much weight." Then he retrieved his hand to pull out a pack of cigarettes, "But you're still the same innocent little Mary."

She let out a bitter laugh, letting her head fall back, "Hardly." Then pointing to the cigarettes he had just retrieved, she asked, "Care to share one of those?"

Tristan smiled lazily, "Sure you won't choke on it?"

Rory snatched the cigarette away from him, with a wicked smile she said, "Try me." She retrieved a small, silver lighter from her purse, lit up the cigarette and took a long satisfying drag. She exhaled a cloud of grey smoke savoring the burning sensation.

Tristan lit up his own, took another shot of Tequila. "So now you smoke." He passed the bottle to Rory who took it, "But tell me, why you're avoiding the party."

She took a shot of Tequila, her throat burning less this time, "Was sick of people trying to match me with their sons."

The bottle going back into his hands, he grinned, "Who would have thought? Rory Gilmore drinking and smoking."

Shifting position, Rory looked into his eyes, she whispered her thoughts, "This is definitely not the way I imagined how we would meet again."

He brought his face closer to hers, "Thought about me much?" She blushed but didn't answer. He chuckled, stroked her hair softly, "Come on, tell me."

Rory took the bottle from his hands, sipped it, "Well, I had different scenarios but none implied that we would get drunk together."

A satisfied smirk, he reached out to her and whispered, "You're still beautiful, but somehow different." He closed the small distance between them and kissed her softly.

Her eyes opened wide in surprise, she whimpered, "That was unexpected." But before he could answer, she kissed him again. Why she kissed him, she wouldn't be able to say. Maybe because of the dreams she had of him, maybe because she was simply attracted. But the only important thing right now was that he was there, somehow in a way she had never imagined him to be, but it was still Tristan.

He broke the contact, his eyes cold. He had only kissed her to infuriate her, he didn't know what to make of her reaction but she was nowhere near the girl he used to like. Softly he asked, "What happened to you?"

She blushed, her eyes becoming watery, she looked away. She willed the tears not to fall, she murmured, "It's a long story." Then she locked her eyes with his, "One I'd rather not talk about."

He didn't comment, instead he simply gave her the nearly empty bottle, watched her drink from it. She looked so tired, and so lost. Nothing like the Chilton girl that didn't care about gossip and knew exactly how the path ahead of her was defined.

He was interrupted in his thoughts by her soft voice, "Tell me about you instead."

He smirked, "Not much to say." Then on second thought he added, "I'd rather not talk about myself." Leaning closer to her, "Tell me, why you kissed me."

She shrugged her shoulder, now ashamed of her actions, "I felt like it." Then she whispered, "Sorry if I offended you."

Tristan chuckled, "Takes a lot more to offend me."

She asked innocently, "Care to try again?"

Memories of another bench not so far from where they were, where they had had the same conversation except she was the one that asked this time around. He closed the distance between them, "Hell yes." And kissed her again. This time forcefully, he forced his tongue inside her mouth and heard her moan. He broke the contact again, looking at her intensely. His voice hoarse, "That and I'm willing that we try a lot more things together." He raised an eyebrow suggestively, knowing that it would make her blush, and it did.

She was about to answer, but another voice was calling out to her, "Rory! We are leaving!"

Feeling bold, she kissed him again, stood up and whispered, "Maybe next time Tristan."

She walked away from him, at the same time she retrieved a piece of gum from her purse, putting it inside her mouth. He smirked, "It was a pleasure Rory."

She looked at him over her shoulder, winked at him before she joined a beautiful woman he assumed was her mother. In another time, he might have asked for her number, but not this time. He felt that she held too much drama and instability in her life. Somehow, he felt that if they met again, it would be their downfall.

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Rory woke up in the morning, her head hurting but a dreamy look in her eyes. She met Lorelai in the kitchen who was sipping coffee and reading the newspaper. She grumbled, "'morning."

Lorelai watched Rory pour a cup of coffee, a smile gracing her lips. Lorelai couldn't help but also smile as she saw Rory sit in front of her, her eyes more luminous than they had been in a long time. "If I had known that getting you drunk was the way to make you smile again, I would have done it a long time ago."

Rory froze, "You knew?"

Lorelai sipped her coffee, "Of course I knew but you're an adult, what can I do?" Then she laughed, "I did a lot worse, a lot younger."

Rory smiled then asked hopeful, "So do you know how to get rid of that pain in my head?"

She watched her daughter mischievously, "Not if it's going to get that smile off your face."

Rory shrugged her shoulders, "I feel happy, I don't think that anything could ruin my day today."

Lorelai asked excitingly, happy that they seemed to have their old ways back, "Alcohol made you happy?" She raised an eyebrow, "It might not be a good thing after all then."

Rory drank her coffee, "It' wasn't the drinking really, more my drinking companion." Lorelai looked at Rory expectantly, "Let's say I was reacquainted with an old school friend last night." She sipped her coffee slowly, teasing her mother, "Tristan was there last night."

Lorelai searched her memory for recognition of the name, but gave up, "Should I remember Tristan?"

"Not really, you never met him." Rory stood up and walked toward her room, "We had kissed at a party." She walked inside her room to retrieve clean underwear.

"Ah, Romeo, Tristan." She watched Rory come out of the room heading for the bathroom, "But why did it make you happy to see him again?"

"Don't know, it just did." She walked inside the bathroom for a shower, hoping it would ease the pain in her head.

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Luke smiled again as he glanced at the girls talking and laughing. Both acting like the way they used to a long time ago and it felt good inside his heart to see them going back to normal. He took hold of the coffee pot, intending on going over to fill their mugs when he saw Rory blanch, her eyes that were so happy a minute ago filled with tears. Not understanding how it could have happened so suddenly, he glanced at Lorelai but it was no help to him as he saw the confused look on her face. He followed Rory's eyes to see Dean holding Lindsay happily and making her turn around. Dean kissed Lindsay as Rory stood up and left the diner hurriedly, her face blanching even more after she heard something Dean had said to Lindsay. As Rory ran away crying, Luke joined Lorelai, "Do you understand what just happened?"

She shook her head sadly, "Unfortunately, I think I do."

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Rory sat on the bridge and watched a swan moving on the lake lazily. "How could I have been so blind?" Another sob escaped her lips, she mimicked Dean, "But Rory, we live under the same roof but we never do anything. It's just a façade." The angry tears escaped her eyes, "Congratulations Dean! You're the happiest man on earth, you got Lindsay pregnant." She smashed her fist on the bridge, "It should have been me!" She lay down on the bridge, looking at the sky, remembering as the tears continued to fall.

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_She was waiting for Dean to get there, she was early that day but she was just so excited. The door of the room opened and Dean appeared in the doorway. She ran in his arms excitingly. She was laughing with tears of joy in her eyes. Dean kissed her hungrily. She broke the kiss and whispered, "We're pregnant Dean."_

Dean looked at her angrily, "How could you? We were always safe." He sat on the old crumpling chair, held his head inside both of his hands, "Can't be happening. Can't be mine." He stood up, relaxing a bit as he reached a hasty decision. He walked over to Rory, sat beside her. "We can't keep it Rory."

She looked at him with furry in her eyes, "It's our baby Dean. It's a symbol of our love. We can't just get rid of that!"

He sighed, "I love you Rory, and you know it. But think about it, you just finished your second year of college."

Rory stood up and paced the room trying to think clearly. Dean, her Dean was asking her to get rid of their baby? "We will manage! You'll have to move close to Yale, we'll live together, while I'm in class you would take care of the baby."

Trying to sound logical and not completely scared, "What about money Rory? We'll need money, I'll have to work."

In desperation, Rory tried to convince Dean, "We're in love. We will manage."

He walked over to her, held her tightly, "We will have a baby, someday. Not now, later, when you graduate. But not now."

Something broke inside of Rory.

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Rory lay in her bed shivering; feeling the emptiness inside her belly that she hadn't completely acknowledged. It had been painful and she truly felt that something was torn away from her. It had. She wiped her tears away, remembering how Dean held her hand during the whole process of killing their child. She was haunted by the way his eyes showed that he didn't care in the least while it was breaking her apart. Lorelai came to check up on her. "Rory, tell me what happened. Please."

Her gaze never leaving the ceiling, an empty of emotion gaze that chilled Lorelai, Rory answered, "I'll be alright mom. Don't worry. I just feel like doing nothing today. I'll be my old self again tomorrow."

Lorelai sat beside Rory, she stated, "You're shivering." She touched her daughter forehead to see if it was burning. Perfect temperature, "Are you cold?"

Rory shook her head 'no'. Lorelai quietly left the room.

Rory was trying to get rid of the emptiness inside her by trying different things, filling the void with anything. She had kept on seeing Dean, hoping that his promises were real but not really believing in them anymore. After every encounter she was left even emptier, leaving her shaking with anger and sadness. Cigarettes became as important to her as coffee; she even began to try to do things to hurt Dean, like thinking more and more about Tristan, hoping that he would come to her rescue. Unconsciously knowing that she had chosen Tristan because it would hurt Dean even more, but slowly as time went by, she became more and more convinced that she had always liked Tristan. She even tried to imagine how things would have turned out if she had chosen to go to the PJ Harvey concert with him instead of going back to Dean. While she spent a lot of time with her fantasies, she became more distant to everyone and everything. Living her life like a zombie but living fully at night in her dreams.

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Exhausted from crying, Rory had reached a decision. She would stop this madness; she couldn't keep on living like this, with her life empty of everything she should deserve. She sat up and wiped her tears away when Dean approached her. He sat beside her, his feet hanging over the bridge, "I've been looking everywhere for you."

She closed her eyes, mad at him and at herself. "Why should you?"

He fidgeted on a button and tried to explained, "It's not what you think it is."

Her eyes burned with a fire that had been absent for too long, she forced her voice calm, "I know." She paused, slightly amused by his discomfort, "I've been blind for too long, I loved you and I believed you. Now I despise you. I'm almost tempted to tell Lindsay about us." Dean opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out of it. "But I won't, I'll let her find out on her own that you're not worth any attention." She stood up, "I'm not sure why I believed you, but all I want to say is that I don't ever want to see you again."

She started to walk away but Dean followed, "You don't understand! I love you! Not her."

Rory cut him off, spitting her words out with an unknown venom, "Like you're not sleeping with her? Like you want to get a divorce?" She stormed away, to come back hastily. She smiled as she saw the smug grin on his lips and then she whispered, "Congratulations on the new member of your family." Her smile disappeared, "Now, just do everyone a favor, stay away from me. If you try to contact me again, I promise you that you'll lose everything."

She turned her back to him and he tried to call out to her one last time, "Rory, please let me explain."

She laughed, "You were always so predictable." A mischievous glint in her eyes, "That was the only slip up from you calling my name I am willing to let go."

Dean remained rooted on his spot for a long time, a really long time after she had disappeared from his vision. He felt shivers, finally understanding that he couldn't play both girls like he had meant.

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Lorelai came home late that night; she had to fill in for Sookie after she had broken her wrist from a bad fall. Exhausted, she still went to check on Rory, to see if she felt better. She was met by the glowing light from the night stand, and an envelope on Rory's pillow. Slowly, she walked to the bed, sat on it, afraid of what that letter held. Not even trying to control her shaking hands, she reached the envelope, tore it open slowly, her heart constricted with pain and fear. Unfolding the letter, she took a deep breath, and started to read.

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_Mom,_

I know that we've been on a roller coaster of emotions in the past years, that I've hid things from you and everyone. I've learned how to lie, how to fake. I've picked up bad habits and acted pretty stupid from time to time. I want to tell you that I'm sorry for all of it, hoping that you'll find it in your heart to forgive me someday.

There are so many things that I've hid and would like to share with you even if I know I'll deceive you once more. So many painful memories that I have to deal with along with my lies and own deceptions in myself.

That's why I'm writing this letter, to let you know that I'm alright, I'm on the right path to be. But for that, I need to get away. I'm sorry for not taking you along with me on this road trip, but I know you would ask questions I'm not yet ready to answer and without our regular lives surrounding us, it would be even harder to go along with our avoidance game. But don't worry, I'll be back soon. When I feel strong enough to do so, seeing that Yale begins again in less than two months, I should be back before then.

I absolutely intend to tell you everything the moment I come back but I can't tell you where I'm going because I honestly don't know yet. But I would like to ask you not to look for me.

I love you with all my heart and I've been an idiot for not listening to you. I'll try to call you as soon as I feel better.

Your daughter.

P.S. In case you are wondering, I ended things for real this time. Don't ask him about me, he doesn't know. I've forbidden him from even pronouncing my name again.

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Lorelai ran out of the room to find the phone. She dialed Rory's cell number to hear the ringing sound coming from Rory's room. She pounded out Luke's number, waiting for Luke to answer, she cut the sleepy voice of her interlocutor,

"She left!"


	2. I Know Somewhere You Are Dreaming Though...

**_Author's Note: _**_Thank you to all of the reviewers, those reviews meant the world to me. I would like to thank **Nate** for his support on this chapter and **Raven** for being hard on me to help me get the best chapter possible.  
With that, I hope you like enjoy it.  
Didi_

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**It Doesn't Matter**  
**_Chapter 2: _**_I Know Somewhere You Are Dreaming Though it's Definitely Not of Me_

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Rory had been sitting in her car in front of the DuGrey manor for what could be perceived as the past couple of hours. From Rory's point of view, it could have been more called castle than manor, but that was beside the point. She was still trying to get the inner strength to ring the bell at the front gate for someone to acknowledge her presence. She would definitely have to do it soon by the tardiness of the hour. Knowing that she still didn't get the vigor to do it and that she would probably cower in her car again tonight; she started the engine of her car and drove away, to the nearest motel where she'd been residing for the previous nights.

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Lorelai came inside the house, exhausted like she had been for the subsequent three nights; she slumped down on the couch. Luke joined her almost immediately with a cup of coffee that he offered her instantly. He asked, "So?"

Lorelai sipped the coffee, whispered, "She was alone. She didn't look sad or happy."

Luke looked at his fatigued girlfriend and asked, "Do you want me to go follow her in the morning?"

Hopeful eyes met Luke's, "I wish but what about the Diner? What if she needs me?"

Luke held Lorelai in his arms, "Caesar will open and take over until I come back; if she needs you, you'll be just a phone call away."

She relaxed in his embrace, "I'm not sure about that."

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Rory woke up from a dreamless sleep, took a quick shower, dressed hurriedly and ran to the vending machines at the end of the hall. She bought a pack of Twinkies and watched as the machine brewed her three large cups of coffee. She gathered her breakfast and left the motel after she checked out, well aware that her credit card wouldn't have enough credit left for another night.

Rory parked in front of the DuGrey manor, unaware of the pick-up that was parked a street behind. She started to drink one of her coffees, tore open the Twinkies wrapper, and started to eat.

After eating her breakfast, she leaned back against her seat, watching the manor as she drank her last cup of coffee. She closed her eyes feeling desperate; knowing that she didn't have many options for the night coming up. She closed her eyes, wondering what she'd do; certain that she would still not have the courage to ask Tristan for refuge, she had three options left; either she asked her grandparents for help, go back home or sleep in the car, so much for good options left. The soft music diffused by the radio lured her to sleep as she contemplated her options.

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_Rory knocked on the front door a young maid opened the door welcoming her, "Miss Gilmore! What a pleasure!" The door opened wider for Rory to step inside. "Are you here to see Tristan?"_

_Rory smiled widely, "Of course."_

_The maid looked apologetically, "I'm so sorry, he is not here right now. But he should be here soon. Do you want to wait for him? Or should I relate a message?"_

_She smiled brightly, "Oh, I wanted to go check something at the library, tell him I'll wait for him at Chilton."_

_"Don't worry __Miss.__ Gil…"_

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A soft knock on the window woke Rory up. Startled, she pressed the button to slide the glass pane down. She saw a middle aged, mysterious man bending over her window. With all the manners he was trained to have, he asked softly, "Are you alright m'lady?"

Rory rubbed her eyes, not certain of the way to answer the strange-mannered man. She looked at the clock over her radio, and realized that the afternoon was almost over. A grunt from her stomach was heard. She blushed slightly, "No, everything's fine, thank you."

She was about to close her window but the man put both of his hands on the frame, preventing her from doing so. He scrutinized her and Rory shifted lower on her seat, feeling more uncomfortable as the man kept silent. As she glanced at the middle aged man, he started to talk again, his voice cold this time, "I'm afraid I need more explanations than that."

Rory looked around frantically, trying to find something that would help her get away, seeing nothing, she replied with a shaky voice, "I don't know what you are talking about."

As she looked into the cold black eyes of the man with the stoic face, she felt shivers run over her body. She saw a cold and fake smile forming on the man's lips, "Then I'm afraid I'll have to call the authorities. You've been parked here, not really discreetly I might add, for the last three days; For all I know you're a private eye trying to dig up some old dirt on my employers. You were probably registering the incoming and outgoings of the mansion. Now, do you have something to tell me?"

Rory felt trapped and as panic started to rise, she leaned over the passenger's seat to retrieve her pack of cigarettes. She lit one up before she whispered, "I wasn't… I just." Not knowing how to explain her cause without being utterly humiliated, she breathed out, "I just came looking for help."

The man raised an eyebrow, intimidating her the best way he knew, observing her as she lowered herself deeper in her seat. As if on cue, he said, "Smoking will kill you." Then with a smirk he added, "If not something else before." He registered the fright in her eyes and enjoyed every moment of it. "If you were seeking help, why didn't you ring at the gate?"

She saw the goose bumps formed on her arms and stammered, "I'm sorry. I won't come here again, ever." The hands stayed still on her window frame, she added, "I'm sorry." The man still stared at her with a penetrating gaze colder than ice; she felt a tear escape her eyes. "I'll just leave."

As she was about to belt herself up the man held her higher hand, "I would strongly suggest that you leave me a message for whomever you wanted to talk to in this mansion." He grinned and somehow Rory felt more shivers approach. "Or I won't second guess calling authorities…" He leaned close to her as if conspiring and whispered, "I have a perfect description of your car and license plate." His grin widened as he stood up straight, "Have a message for me?"

Not knowing what to answer, Rory blurted out, "I wanted to gather the courage to ask for Tristan but I couldn't." A couple of tears fell down her face, "but I didn't because I know he wouldn't care."

His stoic face softening to become almost caring, he put a hand on her shoulder, softly massaging it, "What would be the message that I should give my young Master?"

Rory looked at the man, "I don't know." Seeing his face hardening, she whimpered thinking of the dream she just escaped, "I'll wait for him at Chilton."

The stoic man's hand left her shoulders and the window frame, his features and voice becoming amicable, "Then I will bid you a good evening young lady. I will relate the message and hopefully," The man's voice changed once again, this time threatening, "we will never meet under such circumstances."

Rory nodded her head, uncertain of the way her words would come out. She sped away, watching in her rear window as the stoic man watched her car but remained by the gate unmoving.

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Lorelai got home late that night, Luke waited for her patiently while watching the baseball game. He clicked the TV off as she slumped down on the couch beside him. She rested her head on his shoulder as his arms surrounded her. She closed her eyes and heard, "She still went back to the same hotel?"

She breathed deeply, "I don't know, I was too tired to go check." Then she raised her eyes to meet his, "Actually, I didn't see the time pass and when I realized what time it was, I decided to come here instead." Upon seeing Luke's stunned expression, she added, "I'm tired Luke, I know her online banking password, I'll check it tomorrow. I'll see where she used her credit card instead of burning myself to death by following her." The astonished expression on Luke's face made her say, "I just can't do it anymore. I love her, but I have a business to run as you do. I know she has a lot to deal with, but she wants to do it alone."

Luke kissed Lorelai tenderly, "Have you thought about eating tonight?"

Lorelai whispered against his neck, "I forgot."

Luke stood up, took her hand and forced her up, "Well, I'll make you something, then you'll take some much deserved sleep."

Lorelai followed Luke into the kitchen, slumped down on a chair while Luke opened the refrigerator, "How about an omelet?"

Her head rested on the table and she muttered, "Anything would be fine."

Luke started to break the shells of the eggs, "So, do you want to talk about why she ran away?"

A sad smile escaped her lips, "Not anymore than I did yesterday." Seeing the rejected look on his face, she muttered, "It's just not my secret to share." She closed her eyes.

Luke stayed quiet, processing the best way to help Lorelai and Rory while focusing on cooking for Lorelai. He placed the cooked omelet on a dish, turned to give it to Lorelai only to find her fast asleep on the table. He left the dish on the counter and gathered Lorelai in his arms. As he saw her eyes flicker open, he whispered, "Shush, close your eyes, I'll get you to your bed." Her head fell from exhaustion on his shoulder as he started to walk toward her room.

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Rory was looking at the stars, lying on a bench just outside the school that had meant so much to her for so long. She had seen the sunset, the moon rise; the stars flicker in the sky. Now the sky was a deep shade of blue, and the weather was dropping sending shivers to her fragile body. She sighed deeply as she realized that Tristan wouldn't come at this late hour. She laughed softly, sadness surrounding her. She didn't have many options anymore. Paris being in London for the summer, Lane being on tour with her band for the remainder of the month, her grandparents were out of the question as well as going back to Stars Hollow. She wasn't ready yet. She had three options left, sleeping there on the bench, finding a shelter or spending the night in her car.

She retrieved her last cigarette, savoring each drag as she curled on the bench to stay warm. Her eyelids becoming heavier, she murmured, "somewhere, you must be dreaming, thought it's definitely not of me."

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_The vision in front of him was as always, breathtaking. Rory read a book as she sat comfortably on a bench as students strolled by her unnoticing her. A small kiss on her neck broke her concentration. She hurriedly stood up to welcome the new comer with a warm smile. "Well, sure took you a while to join me."_

_She was met by a grin over full lips that captured hers in a passionate kiss. "I always knew you wouldn't be able to resist me much longer."_

_He felt her slap him playfully on the arm, "You're so full of yourself."_

_"And that's why you find me irresistible." He kissed her again bringing her closer at the same time. He let go of her lips to look into her eyes, "Can't we go some place where would be alone?"_

_He saw his hand grabbed by Rory's and as he raised his gaze, Rory smiled as she brought him along with her. "Come on big boy!" She stopped on her tracks as she felt a resistance on his part. He watched her walk back to him, snuggle close to him and heard her breathe in his ear, "You know I love you right?" He nodded his head, "But I want us to do other things also." He followed her as she walked toward the parking lot excitedly, "Hurry up Tristan! You promised you'd bring me to the fair!"_

_He heard his own voice grumbled, "Hopefully, we'll get stuck on top of the Ferris Wheel..."_

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Tristan was slowly waking up haunted by remaining visions of his dream where Rory Gilmore held his hand and talked frantically about something the he had already forgotten about. He felt a warm body beside him and without opening his eyes; he brought the warm body closer to his before the fog of his dreams could dissipate. The body close to his shifted slightly to kiss him softly. He opened his eyes, certain that he would be met by luminous blue eyes and he murmured "Mary" only to be met by angry emerald eyes.

The woman climbed out of the bed, unashamed of displaying her perfectly shaped and naked body. She searched hurriedly for her discarded clothes while trying to look unaffected.

Tristan watched the fury of the dirty blonde as she dressed hurriedly feeling that he should somehow apologize to her. Unable to do so, he dressed as well and waited for her to be fully clothed.

Without a glance in Tristan's direction, she opened the door and left the room. Tristan ran behind her and climbed down the stairs three by three. He joined her on the threshold, grabbed her wrist and pleaded, "Melissa, wait. I can explain."

She faced him but her gaze averted his eyes. She stayed silent and immobile, waiting for him to say something. Instead of talking, he kissed her forcefully, backing her up against the door frame. When he broke the contact, he saw tears glistering in her eyes, "I thought I meant something to you."

Tristan let go of her and raised an eyebrow questioningly trying to refrain from the laughter that wanted to escape.

She leaned her back resting against the wall, "It's just, you know, I thought you and I would be great together. We have so much in common."

Tristan hid his laughter behind a fit of coughing, his eyes watering under the pressure. He tried to make her stop talking by calling her name, "Alyssa," which was undoubtedly wrong but that didn't stop her.

She continued, "I was already seeing myself moving in with you but no." She whipped her face unseeing Tristan's amused appearance, "And this morning you call me _Mary_." She looked at Tristan and asked hysterically, "Who is this Mary?"

Tristan started to laugh, unbelieving how ditzy this girl was. He regained control and said, "Now, calm down Vanessa."

She looked at him, her eyes glaring daggers at him, "How can I? You don't even remember my name! Clarissa!"

He chuckled, "And you thought that I would marry you?" He gave her a pitied glance, "We've know each other for what? Two days?"

Offended, she replied, "Three days!"

Tristan became serious, took his wallet out, "Well, here is something for you to remember me by." He dropped three hundred dollar bills on the porch, walked back inside the house and slammed the door behind him. He muttered, "Unbelievable."

"What is it young master?" The stoic man waiting by the stairs said but added before Tristan could say something "Wasn't that a little harsh?"

Tristan laughed, "She'll get over it. They always do somehow." He began to climb up the stairs, "I'll be taking a shower, Geoffrey. If Issa-something calls, tell her I left the country."

Geoffrey picked on his nails, "I will, but I should also tell you that another lady is looking for you."

Tristan sat on the step, "It can't be. No woman that could be called a lady would look for me." He grinned, "They would most probably be called money magnets or something along the line."

Geoffrey glared at Tristan, "Well, this one certainly wasn't looking like your usual type of 'woman' if you get my meaning, a lot less make up and more clothing. She stayed in her car in front of the house for three days… I've sent her away."

Disinterested, Tristan stood up, "Well, we certainly don't need stalkers on top of my 'admirers' do we?. You did a good thing."

He climbed a couple of steps and Geoffrey said, "She did leave a message for you." Tristan stopped, "Very beautiful the little lady but a bit on the thin side. She asked that you meet her at Chilton but she never said when."

Tristan asked coolly, "Did she say her name?"

Geoffrey shrugged, "No, but I didn't care to ask, knowing how well you remember names."

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Tristan was in the shower and felt the hot water dripping on his skin. Somehow, it wasn't as relaxing as usual. Something was bugging him, was it the dream? He didn't even remember the details; all he knew was that Rory was in it. He couldn't understand why he dreamt of her, he had gotten rid of his addiction to her shortly after he had been transferred to military school. After he finished washing, instead of lingering in the shower like he usually did, he came out.

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The club lights reflected on the dance floor and sometimes hit the sitting attendees. Tristan left the table in the shadowy corner where he had sat bored out of his mind as his friends rated women on a scale from one to ten to go get another drink. Before he reached the bar, a short beautiful brunette with blue eyes and short dark hair wrapped her arms around him. "Tristan! It's been so long."

He held her back mostly to steady her drunken steps and answered back, "It's good to see you too… hummm… it's been too long."

Happy with his response, the girl kissed him. He held her closer and kissed her back. Memories invaded his head, of another girl in another place. He brushed the memory aside, setting his mind to enjoy whatever that girl had to offer him and pushed her against the bar. Behind the girl's shoulder, he made a motion to the barman who knew his tastes without interrupting kissing the girl. He heard the shot being place on the counter, broke the kiss just long enough to take his shot of Tequila. He closed his eyes as the pretty girl kissed his neck, sucking on it softly and was invaded by a vision of a girl smiling at him with a nearly empty bottle in her hand. He broke the contact feeling dizzy, not wanting Rory to ruin this for him as well, but in the back of his head he heard Geoffrey's voice 'She said she'll wait for you at Chilton.'

He cursed and broke the embrace, gently pushing the girl away. He tried to look apologetic before he muttered, "I'm sorry, there's some place I forgot I needed to be." He left without another word.

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He walked over Chilton's ground for the first time after four and a half years. As he walked by the parking, he saw the place where he lost his virginity in the backseat of a car as well as the place when he took many others. He stopped walking and closed his eyes momentarily trying to block any other memories that he might want to forget.

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Rory stirred from an uncomfortable sleep as she felt something warm her up. She looked around; trying to figure out what could have awakened her. She squirmed further under the blanket. Her eyes shot open, realizing a jacket was covering her. She shook her surroundings and tried to find a clue of where that jacket had come from. That's when she saw him, comfortably sitting at the other end of the bench, lazily smoking a cigarette. She whispered, "I had lost hope that you would come."

He slowly exhaled the smoke from his lungs while watching the sky. He didn't turn to look at Rory, but asked directly, "Why are you here?" Then he finally glanced in Rory's direction to add, "Or more precisely, why aren't you asleep in the comfort of your bed in that weird little town of yours?"

She blushed when an uncomfortable feeling invaded her. She sat up straight and gave him back the jacket. "I'm sorry, I've bothered you. I don't know what I was thinking." She looked into his eyes, sadness evident in hers, "Thank you coming but I won't bug you any longer."

Rory was about to stand up when Tristan grabbed her wrist, "I came didn't I? What is it that you want from me?"

She pointed to his cigarette, "Can I have a drag?"

He pulled his pack out, retrieved one from her, quirked an eyebrow, "Don't tell me you've waited for me on a bench… just to smoke."

Her cheeks blushed, "No, but it took you so long to get here that I might have forgotten what I wanted."

His head rested over the head of the bench, "You didn't leave your name or a time to meet you. I'm a very busy person." He turned his head a bit to glance at her profile, "I've always knew you liked me but stakeout my house to boot."

He got the reaction he wanted, those furious blues she sent in his direction so many times before, "You're still an insufferable spoiled boy, I see."

Tristan grinned, "Maybe I am, but I'm not the one looking for you."

She blushed furiously, "I did not…" She realized the stupidity of her words as it was exactly what she was doing. Tiredly, she asked, "Why would you care anyway?"

Bluntly, his eyes cold, he told her, "I don't."

Her knees came up against her chest to keep the chills of the night away, "Why did you come then?"

Tristan looked at the sky, "I don't…" instead of finishing his sentence, he stood up, "You came to me. If you changed your mind after spending a whole night waiting on a bench, that's fine with me." He leaned closer to her face, "That is your problem; you wanted something that you don't want anymore, fine." He straightened his body, started to walk away, "Just don't come back tomorrow."

She watched his retreating form, exhaled the smoke in her lungs and figuring she had nothing more to lose, she screamed, "I need a place to stay." Tristan turned around to face her and under his shocked features, she added hurriedly, "Temporarily, a week?"

The sky was slowly turning from night blue to deep blue, Tristan remained rooted on his spot, "I don't know about you Rory, but I'm starving. I'm going for breakfast, feel free to join me." He retreated to his car without a backside glance.

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Rory followed Tristan to a small highway restaurant that stayed open 24/7. She sat in front of him but as he finished his order and she remained silent, he asked to have his order for the lady also. They ate in an uncomfortable silence, Tristan waited for her to say something while she hoped he would make the first move.

The waitress stopped at their table and asked in an indifferent tone, "Can't I bring you anything else?"

Tristan eyed Rory before answering, "More coffee please."

The waitress left, leaving Rory to watch him. "Thank you for breakfast."

He lay back lazily, "It was a pleasure to have breakfast with you Rory."

She looked back at him and gave him a sad smile, "But?"

He shrugged, "I'm not sure how much good could come out of having you stay at my house."

She forced herself to sound cheerful, "It's okay, I'll find something else." She forced a smile, tired and ashamed, "Just forget I asked."

Tristan brushed her off, "That's not what I meant Rory." He placed his hand over hers, stroked it softly, "It's just that I think you might have been right the first time around."

She watched his hand and melted under the gentle touch. Her questioning eyes met his, "What do you mean?"

A sad grin on his lips, he whispered, "You wanted nothing to do with me." Then he smirked and winked at Rory, "I would have probably corrupted you."

The pressure on her hand increased as she smiled brightly but her humor never reached her eyes, "Funny how life turns out sometimes." Her smile disappeared as her gaze became vague, "The people you trust the most are sometimes the most unworthy of your trust."

Tristan felt uncomfortable, uncertain of where she was going with that, with his free hand he forced her to look into his eyes, "What are you expecting from me exactly?" He saw the cloud of confusion in her eyes, "If I bring you home with me? What do you want to be?" She blushed and averted her eyes, "Because I don't think you would like to be considered as my new flavor."

Rory retreated from his hold, hurt in her eyes soon replaced by sadness. Sarcastically she muttered, "Could never let that happen."

Tristan quirked an eyebrow amused, "Has little Mary became wilder into rebellion than I thought?"

Rory diverted her eyes, ashamed to have let that out, "Wouldn't you like to know?"

He smiled brightly, "Well, now I do have a week with you under my roof, I'll be able to find out." He winked as she grumbled something incoherently.

Her eyes hopeful, she asked, "Really? You'll let me have a room?"

He smirked deviously, "Yes, but not just any room." He leaned over the table in a slow motion, "I'll let you share my room."

Rory blanched, "I can't… I don't… We can't…"

His grinned at Rory before he kissed her softly, "Relax, it's just a week." He stood up, took his wallet out, brought a couple of twenties that he discarded on the table, held out his hand to help Rory up.

Rory glanced at the offered hand, "I… It's not the…" She looked away, "I can't be your plaything Tristan."

He chuckled, "Come on Rory, I'm not asking you to sleep with me and I certainly won't force you but I won't make any promises not to try and seduce you." He saw her hesitate, "The offer is there, you take it or not? A week is that all I can offer."

Rory felt him nudge her, she silently agreed by taking his hand.

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Rory stopped at the gate in front of the mansion, and saw Tristan pushing the gates open; he climbed in the passenger seat. "You'll park you car in the third garage. You won't need it while you're staying here, we'll use mine."

She followed the directions and parked the car. They climbed out, and as the garage door closed, Tristan wrapped his arm around Rory's waist bringing her closer. She tried to get free of his hold without any results, "What are you doing?"

Tristan kissed the lobe of her ear that sent her a bolt of excitement; he replied huskily, "Relax Rory, I'll just introduce you to Geoffrey."

She blushed and stopped struggling. She watched him open the front door and followed him inside. They were about to climb the steps, when Geoffrey asked, "Will my young master expect breakfast anytime soon?"

Tristan swiftly turned around to face the elder man and forced Rory to follow his motion. "No Geoffrey, we already ate. I would like you to meet Lorelai Gilmore. She'll be staying with us for a while."

Geoffrey made a tentative smile, "Young lady Lorelai, a pleasure to reacquaint with you under circumstances that doesn't involve stalking."

Highly uncomfortable, Rory whispered, "I would prefer to be called Rory."

He bowed his head slightly, "Very well, young lady. If you need anything, you know where to find me." Geoffrey disappeared around the corner, leaving the youngsters to find their way to Tristan's room.

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Lorelai opened Rory's laptop later that afternoon. She connected to the web and opened a web browser to access Rory's bank account. She went to check the latest transaction of Rory's Visa card. She took a double take, it should have been there. She called 411 and asked for the phone number to the Voyageur Hotel in Hartford, with fear gripping at her heart.

A little while later, she called Luke, "Luke! Her credit card is loaded. She signed out of the motel yesterday morning. Where on Earth could she be?"


	3. I Am Warmed By Your Friendship Even When

_**Disclaimers: **Still not mine._

_**Author's Note: **After more than a year without updating this story, Chapter 3 is finally up. Feedback is always appreciated. Thank you to MajClementine for her nice commenting and help on improving this chapter._

**_It Doesn't Matter  
_**_**Chapter 3:** I Am Warmed By Your Friendship Even When You're Far Away_

- - - - - - -

"_Please mom, don't ask me any more questions. I just can't deal with this right now."_

_Lorelai laid down beside Rory on the single bed and stoked her daughter's hair softly, "I just can't stand to see you like this Rory. You won't even get up at the call of coffee." She saw a single tear on Rory's ghostly white skin, "I won't ask again, you tell me when you are ready, just eat something."_

_Rory turned on her side and snuggled closer under the blankets in that warm august day, "I'm not hungry."_

_She felt more than heard her mom climb out of the bed and leave the room; she closed her eyes hoping to lose herself again in her dreams. _

_Halfway slumbing into her dreams she heard, "I don't know what to do anymore!... You don't understand Luke, she stopped eating…. I know! I'm even thinking about bringing her to the hospital, at least the serum would feed her but in the state she's in, I'm scared they'll lock her up in the psychiatric ward!"_

_Rory forced herself to get off the bed, her body aching in muscles she didn't know existed. She managed to walk to the door and as she reached the door knob blackness invaded her._

_- - - - - - - -_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Please Mom, don't!" Rory woke up in an unfamiliar room dimly lighted by the sun passing through the curtains, her heart beating faster than she could have ever imagine. She shivered under her cold sweat and snuggled back into bed trying to remember where she was.

The door opened and Tristan came inside the room clad in boxers only. "What happened?"

Rory blinked and pinched herself, was she dreaming or was it reality? Definitely reality. "I had a bad dream I guess."

Tristan yawned and crawled under the blankets, "Want to talk about it?"

She faced him and shrugged her shoulders, "Not really."

He closed his eyes and whispered, "What do you say we sleep a little more then?"

- - - - - - -

Rory woke up in semi-darkness, she felt strong arms holding her and search on the nightstand for a cigarette. Finding none, she sighed sadly, "Where have you put my smokes?"

She felt a hot breath against her neck and heard a grumbled that could have sounded like 'what', 'who' or 'where'

In frustration, she closed her eyes and turned to face her companion and said slowly, "Where… are… MY… cigarettes?"

As she finally opened her eyes to be met with ocean blue ones instead of light brown like she expected, Rory heard, "Your what?"

She rested her head on his shoulder, "I'm craving for a smoke."

Tristan closed his eyes and shrugged, "I'm too lazy to get to my room." Then he turned to be on top of her, "But feel free to go get them."

Rory slowly pushed him off her and stood up and asked playfully, "And where is your room exactly?"

He took her pillow and placed it on top of his, "Right next door."

- - - - - - - -

They were eating in silence on the kitchen counter, the room was dimly lighted but it didn't bother either of them. Rory was uncomfortable, unknowing what she should say or not. Tristan on his side was eating his pasta trying to find a way to ask what had been plaguing his mind since he had found her on the Chilton bench.

As he finished his last bite and took a zip of wine, he finally asked, "So, want to tell me why you needed a place to stay?"

Rory shook her head, "Not really."

He pushed his plate aside to be directly studying her, "Then care to tell me why you came to _me_?"

Her cheeks were growing warm under his scrutinizing eyes, "Not really."

Tristan took another taste of wine while she finished her plate, "I understand that you don't want to confide in me and honestly I don't really care." He paused for a second, thinking of a way to formulate what he had to say without letting her know that he used to care so much more for her than she'll ever realize. He couldn't let himself be vulnerable again but against his own judgment, the little boy still residing in him asked, "but I need to know, why me?"

Rory took her glass of wine and drank a bit as he offered her a cigarette before taking one for himself. "Short version then." He nodded and extended his lighted lighter toward her, "I needed to get away and I figured no one would look for me here."

He sighed dramatically and touched his heart with one hand in hope to lighten the mood and hide his deception, "And here I thought you just couldn't resist me."

She snorted and slapped his shoulder playfully, "You are so full of yourself."

He chuckled, "Want to go out? You know, get drunk or something?"

Rory shrugged, "Sure, why not?"

- - - - - - - -

They walked inside the bar and Tristan grabbed her hand, a frown appeared on Rory's features. Tristan backed her up a wall to whisper in her ear, "You came in here with _me_, can't risk my reputation and let you leave with some other guy." He kissed her softly on the lips and walked away to the bar, leaving her to follow him. She simply shook her head and a shadow of a smile appeared on her lips.

Tristan was joined at the bar by a beautiful brunette with sparkling blue eyes, Rory stopped on her tracks to observe the scenario in front of her with an intrigued expression on her face. The girl said something she couldn't hear, thanks to the loud music, and then the girl wrapped her arms around Tristan's neck and kissed him. Rory felt stupid at that very moment, for having spent the last two years in the arms of a jerk while dreaming of another one. Somewhere in her fantasies, she had completely forgotten that Tristan was a womanizer. She shook her head ready to leave but something made her smile evilly, 'Two can play that game.'

Rory walked over to Tristan and the girl who was now laughing at something Tristan had said. Rory slipped her arms around Tristan's waist and whispered seductively, "I don't mind playing games Tristan," she studied the other girl carefully and added slowly, "But she's not my type."

Tristan chuckled and gave her the drink he had ordered for her. She drank it in one sip, her throat burning as the warmth sensation filled her up. She felt Tristan leading her to a table and she sat down.

He was about to say something when the brown haired girl came to sit on his laps, "Tristan baby, what is wrong with you?" He didn't move nor say anything, only side glanced at a squirming Rory who didn't know how to make sure not to become the third wheel, "Everybody knows you and Clarissa are over and that you're back on the market." She kissed his lips softly; pressuring her breast on him, "Then, why blow me off _two_ days in a row?"

Tristan smirked and pushed her off his legs gently as he grabbed Rory's hand to make her come to him. He pulled to make Rory fall in his arms, sitting on his lap. He wrapped his arms around Rory, "Monica, that's because I'm not something you can buy."

The girl's face dropped as she controlled her anger, "For the last time it's Veronica!"

Tristan gripped Rory's hips to bring her closer to him, he looked into Veronica's eyes, "I got Mary here, she's better than you ever were." He started to nuzzle Rory's neck softly, sucking on it a little.

Veronica tapped on Rory's shoulder and asked in a fake friendly tone, "What is your name sweety?"

Rory moaned under Tristan's lips and forced a smirk, "Lorelai." Tristan licked her jaws closing the distance between his lips and hers as he held her tighter, Veronica's features becoming condescending toward Rory. She was about to say something but Rory added with an innocent face, "But so is my mom." She waited for a second and laughed fakely, "So to avoid the confusion, everybody calls me Rory." She gripped Tristan shoulder and feeling bold and annoyed by the girl still standing by and watching them, she kissed his already open mouth, her tongue dancing with his slowly. Then she turned and frowned at the still standing girl, "But somehow, for reasons I _used_ to understand but aren't valid anymore, he insists on calling me Mary."

Tristan chuckled, "Really? Guess I won't have any other choice than calling Rory then."

Rory slapped his shoulder playfully, "Oh, just shut up."

Veronica left in a fury, going to her girlfriends to relate the news that Tristan actually remembered a name.

- - - - - - - -

Rory walked over to the bathroom, splashed water over her face, when a group of girls entered. She turned around slightly dizzy from the drinks she had consumed. She saw a girl walking toward her but she left hurriedly out the door not feeling very comfortable by the malicious glint in the other girl's furious emerald eyes. She walked toward the table she shared with Tristan that was currently occupied by Tristan and five other guys laughing. As she approached, Tristan caught her hand, pulled to make her come closer to him. The guys stopped talking instantly and watched her reaction with interest. Tristan stood up, welcoming the slow song echoing and led Rory to the dance floor without a word.

He took Rory in his arms, kissed her softly before bringing her closer to him, his left hand roamed around her body to find a resting place on her ass. Her eyes shot open wide to look at him as he kissed her strongly, biting her lower lip and grabbed her ass tighter. She broke the kiss, looked intensely into his eyes as he whispered, "Just relax and have fun."

She studied his features intensely, feeling the loneliness and sadness filling her again. She momentarily closed her eyes and decided to let her senses take over, her hands trailed from his neck to his shoulders touching his muscular chest softly as they made their way to meet on his lower back. She let her head rest on his shoulder closing her eyes as she breathed him in, a soft odor of mixed spice, tobacco, alcohol and perspiration. Somehow, that scent brought her back to reality, it was real, contradictory to her dreams she had about Tristan. In that particular moment, she knew that her dreams had only been an escape, that her dream Tristan had been perfected to a 'prince charming' completely different from reality.

That was the breaking moment when she just wanted to forget, to get her life back on track but she didn't know how to do this, how or where to start to fix everything that she had ruined.

Softly, against his neck he felt it more than heard her, "Just one last night Tristan." He couldn't understand why her voice seemed to be begging when he had agreed that she could stay the week but he didn't have time to ponder on the subject as her lips came crashing on his. He chuckled against her lips before invading the inside of her mouth with his tongue.

Tristan broke the embrace after a little moment as the voices inside his head screamed how wrong it was; that is was the time to back out and turn away and was in no shape to deal with an unstable heart and that he could end up more hurt than anything. But then he studied her eyes, filled with passion, sparkling and filled with life like when he had first met her. The want of the chase, of the unknown, to have her once to himself and get her out of his system after was enough for him. He ignored the little voice in the back of his head sobbing 'Don't you remember how much it hurts? Do you want to be a repeated mistake?' He shook his head 'no' only long enough to see her nod in understanding and her eyes cloud with sadness and rejection. He cursed softly has he got hold of the back of head, "Damn it to Hell."

Rory felt shivers run down her spine as Tristan's lips crashed into hers. She never realized when he pushed her off the dance floor but she wondered at one point how it was physically possible to be held so tightly and still be able to breath.

With one last kiss, Tristan asked huskily in her ear, "Let's head home."

She nodded while steadying her breathing while he led her out of the club and called a cab.

- - - - - - - -

Rory and Tristan stumbled out of the cab, never breaking their embrace as they walked toward the front door. He buzzed the ring, too lazy to look for his keys and heard a buzz signaling him that the door was unlocked. Tristan turned the knob, opened the door and led Rory to his room, almost tripping on the step since they never separate their lips.

Tristan managed to open his bedroom door while pulling Rory's shirt off, he pushed her against his bed, already pushing her bra away to suck her nipples as she wrestled to take his shirt off. She moaned and groaned under his expert hands, and felt a warm feeling that she hadn't felt in a long time except in her dreams.

A discreet cough was heard by the door, Rory turned crimson red as she realized that Geoffrey was standing by the previously left open door, she snuggled behind Tristan's back as he turned to face Geoffrey. He snapped angrily, "What is it that you want to disturb me with in the middle of the night?"

Geoffrey bowed his head a little, his features remained impassive, "I'm sorry to disturb you young master, it is just that while you were out, Master Janlan arrived and requested to meet with you with urgent matters the moment you came back."

Tristan groaned, "Can't it wait for the morning?" Rory held him tighter, trying her best to hide her nudity.

Geoffrey turned around to leave and added coldly, "No it can't. Master Janlan leaves town on an emergency in three hours. He needs you to take over some meetings while he's away."

Tristan cursed while seeing the retreating form of Geoffrey. He turned to Rory, kissed her softly and whispered, "Rain check?" With a feather touch, he passed his hand over her body looking at her regretfully, "Knowing my grandfather, he will talk for hours." He backed out of the room never breaking eye contact while struggling to put his shirt back on and closed the door at the same time.

Rory laid back down on the bed wondering what she was suppose to do. Wait for him? She had to admit, the mood was kind of broken for her. She put her bra back on and shook her head sadly. She had just done it again! She had gone for the easy thrill instead of going at it the right way.

As she put back her shirt on and walked toward her assigned room, she remembered that she had never done the deed with Tristan in her dream.

- - - - - - - -

Rory woke up in the morning by the curtains in front of the window being pushed aside. She rubbed off the sleep of her eyes and searched for the responsible of waking her up. She saw Tristan sitting by the window edge with two cup of coffee beside him. He was studying her with a sad look in his eyes, she tried to sound cheerful under his gaze, "You wake me up with coffee? You learn fast."

Tristan distractedly picked the two cups of coffee and sat on the bed. He gave her one, "Fast learner, what can I say?"

Rory realized that he was too quiet for no apparent reasons, "How was your meeting?"

He shrugged his shoulder indifferently, "It ended a little while ago." He watched her sip her coffee slowly, "Why didn't you wait for me?"

She blinked, "What?"

He bended his head a little on the side, "Let me rephrase that. Why did you come for me at all?"

Rory's peaceful face fell and was replaced by a sad one, "I don't think you want to know."

Tristan moved to be beside her and rested his back against the wall, "It's just too weird, you know?" He sipped his coffee and didn't wait for a response, "Years ago, I did wish to have you ring on my doorbell." He paused to finally glance at her, "but right now I wish you hadn't."

She breathed deeply and bit her lower lip, "I guess I'll be out of your way then."

He grabbed her arm gently, "It's not what I meant." She remained still on her motion to leave the bed, "Just tell me why you came to me."

She closed her eyes and rested her head on her knee, "Let's just say that I knew you would be the best way to hurt HIM."

Tristan's hand left her arm as he placed his cup of coffee on the night stand. He retrieved a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and offered her one before lighting one for himself right before lying on his back, "I guess that means you are using me."

She lay beside him, "No. You just don't have the whole story."

He nodded but she didn't see, "Why don't you tell me then?"

Rory breathed too hard as she inhaled her cigarette and whispered, "You'd think I'm crazy."

He putted out his smoke and murmured, "Would you think I was crazy if I said that I dreamed many time that you would come to me and take me away from my nightmares? That was a long time ago, I can assure you." He paused and didn't even look at her before he resumed, "I've used to picture you as the perfect poster girl, the one who might be able to save me. But since we met at the party, I know you are not that girl." He chuckled, "I even hoped I'd never see you again for selfish reasons. Then why did I let you come here then?" He heard her gulp loudly, "I guess, I still can't let go of that feeling that you were perfect. But…" He forced her to look into his eyes, "Just tell me, why come to me?"

She passed him her half-smoked cig and lay back down, "Because I'm waiting for September to come?" She asked hopeful, seeing that a random word didn't do the trick she sat back up and held her head against her knees, "Because I deserve better!" Her body started to shake and she murmured, "Because I never should have been the other woman, I shouldn't be the one going home to a bed alone and empty." She looked at him with empty eyes that chilled him to the bones, "Because I should have gone to PJ Harvey with you that day."

He felt cold and empty; the emptiness in her eyes was too much for him to deal with. He stood up and silently walked toward the door and whispered, "I'm going to take a shower."

She didn't mention that his hair was still wet because she knew that he didn't know what to say.

- - - - - -

Rory looked around the room and bit her lower lip, another dream shattered, but at least, she knew. As she picked up her things, she was thinking that now would be a good time to start her life over, to meet new people and start anew. She sighed at the thought of all the time she had wasted. She went to take a shower, knowing that she would leave without a goodbye right after.

- - - - - -

Tristan sat on his bed looking out the window and wondering how vivid eyes like she used to have could die and leave her empty. He still remembered the chills he used to have every time their eyes met or how his hands would become sweaty from nervosity.

He just didn't know that same girl could make him feel the goose bumps for completely different reasons. He forced his body to take control, to clear his head in hope to find what he should do; help her? Did he feel strong enough for that? Kick her out? That might be the best option, which he could drink away that she ever re-crossed his path and go on with his not caring for anything in the world routine. Or last option, let her decide and if a little bit of the old Rory was still buried deep inside her, she would leave and forget about him.

- - - - - -

Rory dressed hurriedly as she came out of the shower and smiled sadly at her reflection in the mirror. What she saw almost scared her, She remembered many fights she had shared with Paris about not having to use many cream and makeup to make herself look fresh. Now, her face had a ghostly white transparency. She advanced close enough to the mirror and saw light blue lines on her face, she looked at her hands, same blue lines with weird pattern. Her brain told her it was probably her veins showing. She felt a shiver run through her body and walked back to have a good glance at her naked body. Even in the distance, she could see her ribs showing off. She went back to her face, the only thing she could really see beside that veins that she had taken notice of was her eyes, they seems too big and shadowed by blue circle. She approached the mirror again and got almost scared as she saw her eyes reflect on her own skin. She remembered;

"_She's not eating anymore, I'm thinking of bringing her to the hospital, at least there they would feed her serum."_

She closed her eyes to keep her tears at bay and whispered, "I'm so sorry mom."

She was ready to leave; she would seek Geoffrey to open the gates for her even if that man chilled her to the bones.

As she re-entered the room that had been assigned to her to pick her bag, she was met by Tristan sitting on the bed waiting for her. "I knew you couldn't have changed that much." He saw Rory's eyes glance at her bag that he had carefully placed behind him, "Thinking about running without a thank you, I assume."

She sighed and sat beside him, "I came here to find answers, I had them by the look in your eyes this morning." She locked her eyes with his, blue orbs no longer empty but filled with sadness, sorrow and regrets. "I have to move on now. Turn the page on my past and start anew." She glanced at her hands and started to pick on her nails, "I just don't know how to do it right now." With a determination she didn't feel, Rory stood up and forced a smile as she reached for her bag, "But don't worry, I'll find a way."

Tristan had remained silent and studied her expression, she was reaching out for the doorknob when he said, "You don't have to leave if you need time." He saw Rory raise an eyebrow, "I won't be around much, I have to work in the next couple of days for my grandfather. But you can stay for the rest of the week if it helps you figure things out."

Rory walked back to the bed, "Thanks but I don't think I can do that." She grabbed his hand and murmured, "Not if I want to get over the past, over my regrets."

And there it was again, that odd feeling that had been buried for so long inside him, "Who says you have to get over everything?"

She chuckled and half smiled sadly, "What are you saying?"

Tristan shrugged his shoulders, "I don't know what were the answers you came looking for but even if I'm not sure I would even be good at it, maybe we could try a second chance at that friendship thing you offered back in Chilton."

Rory giggled softly and asked seductively, "Just friendship?"

He nodded almost regretfully, "That's all I have to offer right now." Then he smirked and winked at her, "Of course I can understand your skepticism, knowing how irresistible I am."

The pillow hit his smirk full force.

- - - - - -

Rory was surfing internet while the old movie 'Cry Baby' her and her mom used to mock played in the background. She glanced at the screen as the girl on TV was singing 'Please Mr. Jailman' clad in a red sexy dress. So much for good girls. She sighed, missing her mom more than ever. In the previous days, her life had been TV, internet and sleeping. She closed the lap top on her tights and closed her eyes, wondering how she had ended up _here_ alone. Tristan had been gone every time she had woken up for the previous three days and came back, if he came back at all, after she had fallen asleep. Talk about friendship.

_The first day that Tristan went back to work, she had woken up and was met by a hastily written note that was inviting her to feel free to eat anything and to feel right at home. That if she needed some assistance, Geoffrey would be pleased to help her. She had shivered, that man was making her extremely uncomfortable._

_After long hours of hiding inside the same room without any thing really entertaining, she had tried to go in search of food and coffee but every time she turned a corner, Geoffrey was there. Frustrated and hungry, she had wondered how this man was able to be everywhere. After the sixth time she had walked back, she had glanced over her shoulder and had run back to her room in fright. She felt as if she had just spent her morning playing 'cat and mouse' with her as the mouse._

_She had barely even her breathing that knocks on the door had been heard._

"_I'm sorry to disturb you, Miss. Gilmore. But I was asked to be certain that you had everything you wished for. If you would please follow me, I'll give you a tour of the house._

_She had followed the man in silence, he didn't really asked her anything either but he simply showed her when everything was as he explained when, why and what rules until they completed their tour in the kitchen._

_Once seated with a fresh cup of coffee in front of her, she was surprised that he sat on the stool in front of her. "I get the feeling you are not comfortable in my presence." He didn't let her talk, "But I can assure you that as a welcome guest in this house, I will make my best to assure you have everything you need."_

Rory smiled as she laid on Tristan's bed to resume her watch of 'Cry Baby'.

- - - - - - -

_Rory lay in bed and felt the pressure of her mom taking place beside her, "What are we watching?"_

_She smiled at Lorelai, "Cry Baby"_

_Lorelai stood up and in her usual excited mood exclaimed, "Yeah! And we could also sing along with the bad songs. It's going to be so exciting!"_

_Rory smiled and agreed silently._

- - - - - - -

Rory woke up but a weight on the bed beside her, she mumbled, "Mom."

"What are we watching?"

Rory turn in the bed to face Tristan who had just arrived. "Cry Baby." She sighed, "I just had a wonderful dream."

Tristan smirked and moved his eyebrow seductively, "Sleeping in my bed can do that to someone."

She snorted, "Maybe in your wildest dreams."

"Want to put one of them into action?" He asked huskily and playfully as he leaned over her.

Rory laughed, the first one in a long time. The feeling of that laugh was so astringed to her but also very relieving, that she didn't stopped when she realized what she was doing. Tristan chuckled and waited as she quieted down, "I just walked right through that one, didn't I?"

He felt proud of himself somehow, not because for once he did have the upper hand with her but because he saw her smile and laugh and in that instant, she was Rory again, beautiful and full of life. "I'd only have to agree on that."

The muscles on her face unused to smile started to hitch, "You are home early tonight."

His eyes became serious and he became hesitant. "I finished what needed to be done and I figured we could do something together tonight." He knew he had to say it, "You know, tonight being our last evening together."

She sobered up from her playful mood, "Last night uh?" She shrugged her shoulders, "I emailed my mom to let her know I'd be home on Friday, what's a day earlier."

Tristan saw her failed attempt to hide her feeling of rejection and extended his arms, "Come here." As soon as she was in the safety of his arms, he whispered in her ear, "Don't take it as if I want to get you out."

Rory slowly pushed him away, "It's okay." She laughed bitterly, "I understand. Don't worry, I'll got pack my stuff and be ready to leave first thing in the morning."

She moved to leave but he got a hold on her wrist, "Rory," he breathed hard, "I wish it was a different timing. I was serious about the friend thing the other night." He saw her eyes shinier than he would have liked, "I got this thing I have to attend every year. This year more than ever, I really have to leave tomorrow; it's not a stupid excuse to get rid of you." Her eyes became hopeful, "This year, I'm hosting so it'll last two week for me instead of three."

Rory smiled bitterly, "So, you want me out to prepare to do things."

Tristan let go of her wrist and was relief to see her standing still without the pressure, "No, I need you to leave tomorrow because I won't be here and my parents are coming back in three days." He snickered, "And believe me, you so don't want to be there for that."

He was relieved when he saw her sit on the bed hesitantly; he took his pack of cigarettes and offered her one before taking one for himself. As he lighted her she decided to talk again, "What you are saying is that while I lived under your roof, you weren't there but now that you can be here, I have to go so you can host an annual party of some sort?"

Tristan laughed, "No, I'm just saying that I need to leave here tomorrow, you are welcome to stay for the next two or three week I won't be here but I'm not sure my parents will think the same way." He saw her soften a little bit, "You can come there with me if you want too. I just don't think it'll be your kind of thing."

Rory dragged on her cigarette and remained silent a little, "Does it mean I have the choice?"

"Yes"

- - - - - - -

Rory sat in her car parked behind a jeep and remembered the goodbyes that had happened two hours ago.

"_You are beautiful."_

_Rory closed her eyes modestly and asked hopefully, "Really?" Then misunderstanding what she could have said herself added hurriedly, "I want to fix things, I don't want to look sick anymore."_

_Tristan winked at her before slipping her a sealed envelope, "Can I pass on commenting?" He looked at their hands both holding the envelope, "I'll call you as soon as I'm back."_

_Rory smiled with doubts in her eyes, "Really?"_

_He kissed her softly on the lips and whispered, "Really."_

She got out of the car breathing evenly, walked to the front porch. For some reasons, she felt like knocking but went over her urged; she opened the door and screamed instead, "Honey, I'm home!"

She never saw where it came from, but she was held by motherly arms and sighed in satisfaction for a second or two. Until the craving to open the envelop Tristan had given her that she was still holding came back.

- - - - - - -

_**Author's Note: **Chapter 4 should be up soon.  
Didi_


End file.
